:o saturday is long gone.

excitement. presents. church. caroling. Christmas = AWESOME!!!

excitement overload

oh. my. goodness. gracious. i am so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so excited. tomorrow is christmas. its christmas. CHRISTMAS!!!!!! aaaaaahhhh!!!!!!! i cannot wait. i cannot contain myself. i must breathe. i will not go crazy. IM GOING CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im excited =D

so so so

so busy.
so tired.


but surprisingly....




so enjoying it
=)

You can shed tears that she is gone,or you can smile because she has lived.You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.You can remember her only that she is gone,or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back.Or you can do what she'd want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on




^^ not written by me.


dedicated to mrs v, a woman in my church that just that just died a day or two ago.
5 kids.
1 girl, right in the middle. she's recently married.
oldest is 21.
youngest is 13.
=(


i wish them well, and hope they'll be okay.

my philosophy on life

have fun.
always.
whatever i'm doing,
do it with a good attitude.
if it happens,
it was meant to happen.
always have fun.
always.
angry?
wonderful.
be angry,
get over it,
and have fun.




what do you think?

omigoodnessgracious its saturday!!

long, sucky, but totally worth it.

actually,

how far i get in life does depend on how many good books i read, and why i do things, and what kind of hats i wear. or more correctly, the hats i don't wear. thank you.

=D

new obsession song

santa baby.....a help or two with my Christmas blues......

ohmygoodnessgraciouschristmasisinaweekandahalfandihaven'tevenSTARTEDmychristamasshopping!!!!!!!thatsmostlybecauseihavenoideaatallwhatsoeverastowhattogetanyone,butpartlybecauseimsobusywithworkandchurchandstuffsoihardlyhaveamomenttomyself......butalsoitmighthavetodowiththefactthatimSUCHaprocrastinatoritsnotevenfunny.....
*huuuuuuuuuuuuuge breath*
i'm going crazy. am i going crazy? i think i'm going crazy. do you think i'm going crazy? i think i might be going crazy. i'm going crazy. i'm going CRAZY!! maybe i'm not going crazy. maybe i've BEEN crazy and am just now noticing that i'm long gone crazy. is that normal? is it normal to not notice when you've gone crazy???
i have a week and a half left till christmas. i have a sister and 3 brothers. mother and pops. 5 or 6 very close friends. I NEED TO GO SHOPPING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
anyone up for a trip? let me know. and also, could you pick me up? i wouldn't really want to drive very much.


okay, this pea needs to breathe.
breathe.
BREATHE!!


it's alright, i think i'll manage.
and i have reason to believe that running around in circles with my arms waving in the air and screaming "AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!" does not qualify as managing at this point.


good night.

because WHY??

why is life being so difficult?


i'm happy, very happy.
and then as the saying goes:
"the higher you go, the harder you fall"
and i go down down down
into sadness.
or something of the sort.


and i want to cry.
and i want to be hugged
and be told that everything
will be alright.
and i want to be happy,
i just don't remember how.
its like happiness packed up
and went on vacation
without letting me know
in advance.
just *poof* and its gone.


like a dream
a vivid dream
that i can't seem
to remember
no matter how hard
i try.


perhaps i have a mild case
of manic depression....
or maybe its just me..
or maybe it really is all in my mind.
who knows.


important thing being:
COME BACK, HAPPY!!!
i miss you!!


it'll come back, i'm sure of it.
just like all those other times.
all it takes is patience.
a darn good dose of it.


in the meantime,
here is my happy face
=|

saturday's post

camp is fun, as is expected.

wish

sometimes, i wish i could sleep for days on end.
sometimes, i wish i couldn't sleep.
sometimes, i wish i wasn't so sensitive.
sometimes, i wish that i could be insensitive.
sometimes, i decide that i'm not sensitive enough.
often, i wish i had more willpower.
sometimes, i wish i listened more.
sometimes, i wish i was able to not listen at all.
sometimes, i wish i had nothing.
sometimes, i wish i had everything.
sometimes, i wish i had selective emotions.
often, i wish my emotions wouldn't spill over so quickly.
or so easily.
sometimes, i actually wish i was more emotional.
sometimes, i wish i could cry it all out.
sometimes, i wish i couldn't cry.
sometimes, i wish i could write better.
sometimes, i don't.
mostly, i wish my hand would keep up with my mind.

never do i wish i couldn't write.

never do i wish i didn't realize i had a gift for writing.

sometimes, i wish i was more thankful.

sometimes, i wish.
sometimes.....

i had..............

i had a lovely day at work today.


except for the part where i was
kinda snapped at for something
that was completely beyond my control.


but thats beside the point.

rant time

don't you just love it??? i love it so much when people try to convince me that they know what's best for me. when they somehow think they can take care of me better than i can take care of myself. when they get it into their heads that they know what's best for me, even though i've known myself for a significant number of years longer than they've even been aware that i exist.
more often than not, these "lessons" are about my sleeping schedule..... or lack thereof. now, to be fair, i will admit that i do not have a 'normal' - or anywhere near normal - schedule for sleeping. i fall asleep when i do, sleep when i can, and wake up when i must (or occasionally, when my body lets. not necessarily when i must). whether it be twenty minutes or twelve hours, that's how it is. i do not like to be awakened either. usually, for about an hour after i am pulled out of my peaceful, blissful slumber, i am a very grouchy, grumbly, agitated being. i tend to snap, and make biting remarks. i also give the death glare. i just don't like waking up.
that said, i go on. people seem to enjoy telling me that i sleep too much. that i go to bed too late, i don't wake up early enough. that my body only needs 7, or at the most, 8 hours of sleep a night. that i need to train my body to wake up 7 or 8 hours after i fall asleep. that i should do this and that, do it this way and that way.
so let me get this straight. you've known me for all of ____ amount of time. (usually its within the first few months or so.) you have never seen me in the late evenings, you've never seen me go to bed, you do not know anything about my nights, and YOU'RE telling ME that i need to do these things??? yeah, no thank you. my body needs 9 hours of sleep a night. nine. not seven, and not eight. i'm tired, sluggish, and easily aggravated when i get less. also, i'm an unwilling insomniac. not every night, but it happens. what's insomnia? it's when you can't sleep!! like, no matter what. i do not try to not sleep. on the contrary, i try to sleep it doesn't work.
another thing, i do not wake up very well until my body is rested. it does not matter how much i have slept, my body decides when it's gotten enough rest. there has been more than one instance when i slept through my alarm (and that thing is loud) because i was not rested enough.
so thank you for your "concern," but you don't know my body. you really don't even know me. so let me be. would be greatly appreciated. thanks.
oh how i love it so absolutely crazy much. in the most sarcastic way possible.

my little world. population: me

i live here. this is my place. i live here. my place. i live here, i live here. let me repeat that. I LIVE HERE! I. me. no one else. not anyone who isn't me. yes, i do have visitors. i do have guests. i have "drop by for a little while"ers, but no one lives in my little world except for me and only myself. so why do people insist on acting like they own the place? do i not make myself clear enough? i live here. you may pass by. you may pass through. you may take shelter and be a guest in my little homey world. but you may not take over, or try to make it your dwelling place. i will not let you. it's mine. Mine, i tell you. MINE! you are not God, and and only God Himself can take control of me and everything which is mine, and do what He wills with it. now please let me and my little world be in peace. thank you.

oh yay, its saturday

i wish i could explain feelings.

wwwoowww.

it's so strange.
i'm getting so many dropper-by-ers.
i'm not accustomed to all the attention.
hello dear people that happened to stumble upon my little blog.
welcome =)
do let me know how you came across me.
i hope you find something here that strikes your interest.
and even if you don't, thats quite alright.
i don't think i could please everyone even if i tried.
which i won't, but just sayin.


have a lovely day
=D

yes, i do realize its 5 in the morning.

big deal.


i wanted to take a whack at a 100-word post.
not counting this line and the above


actually, ill make it 25-word.
i don't feel like counting out a hundred....
=)






well. i need to sleep, thats a given.
but today will be a lovely day.
i can feel it.
i will make sure of it.
=)

saturday six.

i had a good day today.


=)

As tears roll down her perfect face
She wants to leave without a trace,
Because of all the hardship she has faced
No one knows
And no one cares
She looks for love, hope, faith
Someone, anyone,
As long as they take away her fears
She goes back and forth
From person to person
Hoping to find that special someone
All she really wants is for someone to care!






written by a friend of mine,
and she says she can't write!!

just wanted to say

that i'm thankful for you guys.
the peoples that are following me.
<3
i feel special.


just 3 months ago, i had zero followers.
now i have 11.
thats a big number.
you guys motivate me to put my lazy pencil to paper and write something new..
which isn't a bad thing,
i don't write that much these days....


i just wanted to let you guys know
=)
<3


happy thanksgiving to all.

thanksgiving??? :o

wow. remember how i was stuck somewhere in september? ummmm.. i'm still stuck.

but.

i know its almost (ALMOST!!!) thanksgiving, therefore i shall write to you a list.

of things i happen to be thankful for.

i started this some time ago, just have not yet been able to transfer it from paper to computer.

*cheeky smile*

i want to get to one thousand.

will update as able.

i am thankful for:

1. the computer (else i wouldn't have this blog =D)

2. pencils

3. music

4. chapstick

5. notebooks

6. work

7. shoes

8. summer

9. winter

10. seasons

11. the color purple

12. books

13. school

14. simple things

15. sharpies  =)

16. miracles

17. songs

18. hands

19. the moon

20. stars

21. God's blessings

22. feet

23. lifesaver mints

24. blue eyes

25. any eyes

a thing or two about me

• i normally do not enjoy talking about myself
• i'm easily bashful-ized (caused to become bashful)
• i don't wear makeup on a daily basis.
  unless chapstick counts as makeup..
• when i do wear it, its just on the eyes.
• i am very attracted to unusual things
  i.e. crazy colored nail polish,
  books with weird covers,
  stories with 50 crazy twists somehow packed in,
  electrons,
  toe socks with decals of a monkey holding a candy cane (i have these),
  blue or purple swans,
  animal rings, or any animal jewelry
  conversations with zhushma
  crazy photographs
• my work's number is saved as "My Love" in my phone =)
• i can't dance
• i laugh a ridiculously large amount.
• i love love candy canes. if i received a box or 12 in the mail, i would be very pleasantly surprised =)
• i enjoy tea quite a bit.
  even though it burned me..
• i text a lot. but only if the textees reply.
• i do not like to call anyone, on the phone. ever.
• i like debates. i find them interesting and fun.
• i love to write, but half the time have nothing to write about.
• i use smileys A LOT =) =D =P =]
• i do not use the phrase "lol" ever.
• peanut butter may very well be the love of my life
• my bath water is probably a substantial number above 120°F
  i am unaware of the exact temperature, for i have no thermometer =(
• i write incredibly small, which might be the reason i like the small print so much...
• often, i surprise even myself to a point of speechlessness.

ooh ooh ooh

i have idea.
since i absolutely adore those six word stories,
i will, from now on, dedicate my saturday postings to them.
why?
because i can =)
also because they will compel me to post
just about every saturday.
and will keep you in anticipation.
bwahaha =D
they may or may not tell you about my week.
they may be totally unrelated to anything that happened.
but they will be written by me,
and will perhaps tell you a thing or two about me.
i do hope they feel special.




i've realized that i'm drifting away
=(

i am

never before written an "i am" poem.
decided to take a stab at it.








I am


I am depressing
I am confused
I am lost
I am terrified
I am spontaneous
I am obsessed
I am lachrymose
I am audacious


I am an artist
I am a writer
I am a photographer
I am a model
I am a dancer
I am a singer
I am a dreamer
I am a philosopher
I am a sage


I am a sillyface
I am a coward
I am a soldier
I am plowing through life
I am living too fast
I am going too slow
I am catching up
I am catching on
I am deciding
I am living
I am not dead
I am trying
Am I succeeding?


I am enticing
I am giddy
I am understanding
I am empathetic
I am (almost) brave
I am happy
I am a friend
I am a hug
I am a smile
I am a being
I am?
I am.
I am me.

last night, i walked outside. and i noticed the brilliance of the night for the first time. not the night itself, just the sheer resplendence of it. i've never noticed the moon being so big and round and orange. or the stars being so brightly silver. and they all looked like they were winking. like they knew.
and that terrifies me.
because no one knows. no one.

know those 6-word memoirs
or 6 word stories?
well












and then. then i grew up.

healage.

personally, i think its getting much better. it doesn't even hurt anymore. and i'm not limping or anything.




dearest Morning,
remember how i was all angry at you 2 weeks ago?
yeah well, i'm not anymore. i was just very upset with how much pain i was in.
now i am getting better, i am healing, and i am no longer that angry at you.
i think we will get along just fine.
=)


yours truly (and always),
Sweet Pea.

as much as id love to leave....

.....you with the previous post,
i cant.
i have to write something.
totally unrelated to anything,
totally unthought about.
or something like that.
let me see.......






you know how gut feelings work?
chemically, metaphysically, neurologically, neither do i.
but you know how they are.
they start in the pit of your stomach (your gut), and just kinda sit there. and gnaw at your insides. and you cant get rid of them. no matter how hard you ignore. or try to ignore. because, to be completely honest, you cant ignore them. you can just..... drown them out. with unimportant thoughts or something. or you could distract yourself so as to not think about that annoying gnawing at the bottom of your belly. its not hunger, you know that for a fact. or wait, it actually might be. hmmmmm. maybe you should go eat something. perhaps it'll go away then.. but after you eat, you feel worse. because gut feelings are not to be toyed with. and they are not to be squashed under a pile of chewed-up whatever it was that you ate. so on top of this stupid gnawing in your gut that you cannot for the life of you place a cause on, you now are full and might feel like throwing up, because thats what happens when you eat while your gut is trying to tell you something. so you kind of make an effort to try and figure out what its attempting to say to you. and you think back on your day. and nothing unusual (for the most part) comes to mind. so you think back on your week. and again, you come up with nothing. except that one day at work when........ well, never mind. and you think and you think and you think. and nothing. you draw a blank. and then you remember (not that you forgot in the first place) that your gut cant talk. and neither can your feelings. and usually, when your gut wants to tell you something, it will wait till AFTER it happens to let you know that that was it. and then says "well. i tried warn you. and leaves you with the consequences. so you go back to trying to ignore it, because now we all know that theres really no point in trying to figure it out. it wont happen. it'll probably come along in the span of a few days. maybe weeks, but probably not. and since you somehow know this specific type, you have a feeling it will come in the form of an emotional breakdown. you can feel it. but then again, thats what you get for being to happy for too long of a time. right?


and yes, usually i mean "ï"when i say "you"
. why am i so depressing??

advertisement?

so i was GOING to type up an almost meaningless, almost pointless post about how im not going to be getting much sleep for the next few days because of bridesmaid duties and whatever other almost torture my Self must endure. fun fun fun.






instead, i will leave you with something that has me in a fit of giggles.
but only because i cannot laugh; for if i do, i shall awaken the entire house.


it belongs to a friend of mine,
and is honestly so so funny.
to me, at least.
not sure if you'll like it.
one way to find out:


click right here to see this fit-of-giggles inducing thing.




=D
cheerio.

something or other.

i am tired.

so tired

of my friends

constantly

putting themselves down.

i hate it

when they talk

like no one

cares about them

because frankly,

i care.

it annoys me

to no end

when they say things

such as

"youre only my friend

out of pity"

or

"its ok, you didnt want

me there anyways."

i dont say that,

they do.

why?

i don't understand.

if i honestly

didnt want to

be friends with them,

they'd know.

it grates on my nerves

when my friends

complain to me

expecting pity.

i don't do pity parties.

if you're looking for

compassion

or empathy,

come to me.

i'll listen

tirelessly, i hope

and try to understand

exactly how you're

feeling.

and i'll empathize.

something i'm good at.

but

if you're looking

for someone

to say things like

"poor you, poor you.

its everyone else's fault"

well then,

you have come

to the wrong place.

because like i said,

i don't

throw pity parties.

eye for an eye

ear for an ear

marinate

on that

will you,

dearest friends?