brother: sweet pea, you know everyone likes you? me: what do you mean? brother: like, everyone likes you. thats what i mean me: *blank stare* brother: like, no one dislikes you. everyone thinks youre cool. me: really??? brother: yeah really. i was talking to a bunch of people today, and all of them were like 'sweet pea? oh yeah. she's cool.' me: no, seriously? brother: yeah im serious. a lot of people dont really like your friends, though. you know that? me: yes i know. and i know why. brother: 'but sweet pea? shes cool' me: i honestly never knew that.
let me set one thing straight. if you do not watch your step if you do not keep track of where youre falling if you do not stop if you do not get the hint soon, i will be the cause of heartbreak. i know it will be "break" because youve told me. youve told me that you are emotional. emotional people are easily hurt i would know.
stop. stop it. stop trying to please me. stop trying to hold my attention. stop trying. stop. the feelings are not mutual. please take the hint. stop ignoring it. i do not want to be a breaker. but i will if i must.
do you have any idea what its like to have a girl's heart? not in the romantic way, where you "steal her heart" and then you "have it." in the actual way, where a girly heart beats inside of you. do you have any idea what its like to be this emotional? do you have any idea what its like to have my heart? to be as emotional as i am. to be as insanely, ridiculously, unbelievably happy as i am. do you? i think not. let me tell you a little bit about myself. i am almost always happy, yes? even i see that, and i dont see a lot about my own self. when i am not happy, do you know what i am? i am very sad. theres not much in between my extreme happiness and sadness. they are just polar opposites, flip sides of a coin. i can have one, i can have the other, but i cant have both, or really, anything in between. do you know why i am so happy all the time? because, what else is there to be? i really only have 2 choices, and being sad sucks, so i save it until theres a lot built up and then let it all out at one time. happiness, though. happiness lasts. its multiplied so easily. and its usually just so much easier to be. do you know why im so happy even when i should be sad? sadness hurts. emotion is painful. thats just how it is. im not too big on pain. so, in theory, im not too big on sad either. sadness is also a question magnet. when you have gloomy look about you, people feel it is their responsibility to ask "oh my. are you alright? you look down. is everything ok? what can i do to help?" when really, you, i mean i, just dont want to talk to anyone, i want to be alone with my thoughts and gloom. when im disarmingly happy, no one comes up to me saying "my my, what are you so happy about? do tell. i want to share in your happiness." nope. doesnt happen. happiness hides sadness, you know. sometimes, it overpowers, but mostly, it hides. like cover-up. you think you understand. but really, you have no idea.
thats how my v-day went. i had an amazing time. stopped by the hospital, wished him well. sushi (it was soooo good. im now in love with more than just the california rolls....) then we walked around. and then sat in an ice cream parlor. and then had some ice cream. and then went to starbucks and sat around for a while. =) <3 <3
soooo. valentines day is only a few (3!!!!!) days away. and i do not think i could be more excited. well actually, i could. bit it would be difficult to get to that point. point being, I AM SO SO SO EXCITED!!!!
i have a date. =) yayyy. my first valentines date ever. one of my good friends asked me if id be her valentine of course, i said yes. she then informed me that i was going to be taken on a date. to a sushi restaurant. . sushi. SUSHI!! i love sushi =D (not all of it though, because i despise fish. but california rolls are just plain delicious. and they have other ones like veggie rolls, cream cheese rolls, avocado rolls......) the restaurant is in the downtownish part of the next city over from mine. they have a few plazas there, and its very pretty me and her, and 2 more of our good friends (one of whom is my valentine), are gonna get all dressed up and stuff, and go fill our tummies with sushi. yummmm. and then we are planning on walking around and taking pictures, and then we are going to have ice cream for dessert, from one of the many ice cream shops. i got a present for my valentine. its an adorable little teddy bear holding a heart. he is soo cute, and i think she will love him.
what are you doing for the big v day?
oh, and one more thing. im a single lady but one of my friends that i recently met asked me to be his valentine im allowed to be more than one person's valentine.... right?? i said id love to be =D, and asked him if he wants to be mine. so this year, i have my first guy valentine ever!!! its so so so so soooooo exciting!! <3 tons of love to you all. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
what do you see when you look at me? when you look into my eyes of clear blue do you see joy, or sadness, or anger, and do any of them seem true? what do you see when you look at me? when my eyes go from blue to silvery gray are they dark as the sky is at nighttime? or are they, perhaps, bright like the day? what do you see when you look at me? when my face is scrunched up with laughter or smiles do they appear genuine, or a genuine effort? do you notice the grief thats been there a while? what do you see when you look at me? when my eyes fill to the brim with tears do you see me a blubbering child of 4? do i look old beyond my years? what do you see when you look at me? when you peer in the windows of my soul do i appear shattered and broken or do you perceive me as a whole? what do you see when you look at me? when i'm dead-beat as a human can be do you see me trapped in my own emotions? do i look desperate to be set free? what do you see when you look at me? when i'm so bubbly i could practically burst do i give off the vibe that i'll take on the world? can you find, through the bubbles, the heart that hurts? what do you see when you look at me? when you ask how i've truly been when i answer "just totally perfect" do you notice the pain etched within? what do you see when you look at me? when i'm light as the lightest of hearts do i seem like i've got it together? can you tell that i'm falling apart? what do you see when you look at me? what shows up inside my eyes? do you expect everything you see there? does anything take you by surprise?
what matters most in the end, you see what matters the most in the end to me its not being what is expected to be. when asked "what do you see when you look at me?" its those who can honestly see me. the true me.