Friday, March 09, 2012

take me back

i wrote this a few years ago
when i was going through a difficult time
and felt like i was drifting away.
funny how it can still apply sometimes
even after all this time

oh dear mighty God i pray
hear my pleading heart today
for i must tell you something, Lord
and it cannot be ignored

if You'll listen, i will start
i will say whats in my heart
i won't hide a single thing
from Your ear, my holy King

here i go, i'll tell you now
i'm sure i won't be shunned
they say that You're a God who listens
and that You cannot be stunned

i no longer feel Your love
and it's the worst i've ever been
like falling in a deep dark pit
or something of the kin

i feel abandoned and alone
not seeing the light that always shone
the one that always showed me through
and brought me ever closer to You

it would always light my way
make the night as bright as day
it was always there beside me
all my life i'd let it guide me

now it's gone, i don't know where
and now i'm left alone, and scared
and i feel like no one ever dared
to tell me that they might have cared

my God, my Lord, i must confess
that i'm consumed with loneliness
i would really like some company
i would really like to be set free

i want to turn around again
i want to feel Your love again
i want to sing for You again
i want to live for You again

i know my faith is not the best
i know i've failed many tests
but You know, Lord, that i do try
i do my best to just get by

i always fall, i always stumble
i sometimes cry, and often crumble
alone, i can't live one day through
inside, i know that i need You

and now that it's all said and done,
i've admitted that i'm weak
perhaps i'll try just one more time
if You'll hear me speak

i ask forgiveness for my actions
the bad, the wrong, and the unjust
for all the times that i have broken
one's, or else another's, trust

for all the sins that i've committed
against Your laws and ways
and things i'd never have admitted
even in my darkest days

for everything i've said and done
down to the smallest deed
i want them all to disappear
and i want You to take the lead

so now i ask You from my heart
if i can go back to the start
if i can have another chance
another try to live this dance

i know i don't deserve it
but You're a God of grace
show me mercy, oh my Savior
shine Your light upon my face

i'm just so tired of it all
being used, abused, made to fall
i'm sick of being broken; cracked
i'm sorry Lord, please take me back.


Tuesday, March 06, 2012

a few things

a  list of a few things i really really REALLY want to do this year.

  •  finish bible school
    .preferably with an A
  • learn to hear God's voice
    .and to listen to and obey it
  • go on the Missionary trip
    . i want to go to Africa soo bad <3
    please pray!!!!
  • take the second semester of bible school
    .i kinda wish i was made of money.
  • move here
  • get back to school and work

goals are a good thing..... right?

Saturday, March 03, 2012

smbs, missions, et al

i've been at bible school for 2 months now. it certainly does not feel like it. i feel like i only just got here, and at the same time, it feels like i've been here for a year. i truly am loving it, however, and i am learning soo much. i'm also doing a lot, and it's so busy that i hardly have time to miss anyone or anything.
i'm sure God is using, and will continue to use this experience to help me grow in my relationship with Him, and in my preparation to be a missionary. do pray for me, though, that i may learn and grow. please pray for the summer mission as well, so that God will provide the finances, and put me in the right team to go to the right city in Africa (!!), Ukraine, Russia, or somewhere else. thank you all soo much.