Tuesday, December 28, 2010

:o saturday is long gone.

excitement. presents. church. caroling. Christmas = AWESOME!!!

Friday, December 24, 2010

excitement overload

oh. my. goodness. gracious. i am so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so excited. tomorrow is christmas. its christmas. CHRISTMAS!!!!!! aaaaaahhhh!!!!!!! i cannot wait. i cannot contain myself. i must breathe. i will not go crazy. IM GOING CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im excited =D

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

so so so

so busy.
so tired.

but surprisingly....

so enjoying it

Sunday, December 19, 2010

You can shed tears that she is gone,or you can smile because she has lived.You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.You can remember her only that she is gone,or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back.Or you can do what she'd want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on

^^ not written by me.

dedicated to mrs v, a woman in my church that just that just died a day or two ago.
5 kids.
1 girl, right in the middle. she's recently married.
oldest is 21.
youngest is 13.

i wish them well, and hope they'll be okay.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

my philosophy on life

have fun.
whatever i'm doing,
do it with a good attitude.
if it happens,
it was meant to happen.
always have fun.
be angry,
get over it,
and have fun.

what do you think?

omigoodnessgracious its saturday!!

long, sucky, but totally worth it.

Thursday, December 16, 2010


how far i get in life does depend on how many good books i read, and why i do things, and what kind of hats i wear. or more correctly, the hats i don't wear. thank you.

new obsession song

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

santa baby.....a help or two with my Christmas blues......

*huuuuuuuuuuuuuge breath*
i'm going crazy. am i going crazy? i think i'm going crazy. do you think i'm going crazy? i think i might be going crazy. i'm going crazy. i'm going CRAZY!! maybe i'm not going crazy. maybe i've BEEN crazy and am just now noticing that i'm long gone crazy. is that normal? is it normal to not notice when you've gone crazy???
i have a week and a half left till christmas. i have a sister and 3 brothers. mother and pops. 5 or 6 very close friends. I NEED TO GO SHOPPING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
anyone up for a trip? let me know. and also, could you pick me up? i wouldn't really want to drive very much.

okay, this pea needs to breathe.

it's alright, i think i'll manage.
and i have reason to believe that running around in circles with my arms waving in the air and screaming "AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!" does not qualify as managing at this point.

good night.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

because WHY??

why is life being so difficult?

i'm happy, very happy.
and then as the saying goes:
"the higher you go, the harder you fall"
and i go down down down
into sadness.
or something of the sort.

and i want to cry.
and i want to be hugged
and be told that everything
will be alright.
and i want to be happy,
i just don't remember how.
its like happiness packed up
and went on vacation
without letting me know
in advance.
just *poof* and its gone.

like a dream
a vivid dream
that i can't seem
to remember
no matter how hard
i try.

perhaps i have a mild case
of manic depression....
or maybe its just me..
or maybe it really is all in my mind.
who knows.

important thing being:
i miss you!!

it'll come back, i'm sure of it.
just like all those other times.
all it takes is patience.
a darn good dose of it.

in the meantime,
here is my happy face

saturday's post

camp is fun, as is expected.

Thursday, December 09, 2010


sometimes, i wish i could sleep for days on end.
sometimes, i wish i couldn't sleep.
sometimes, i wish i wasn't so sensitive.
sometimes, i wish that i could be insensitive.
sometimes, i decide that i'm not sensitive enough.
often, i wish i had more willpower.
sometimes, i wish i listened more.
sometimes, i wish i was able to not listen at all.
sometimes, i wish i had nothing.
sometimes, i wish i had everything.
sometimes, i wish i had selective emotions.
often, i wish my emotions wouldn't spill over so quickly.
or so easily.
sometimes, i actually wish i was more emotional.
sometimes, i wish i could cry it all out.
sometimes, i wish i couldn't cry.
sometimes, i wish i could write better.
sometimes, i don't.
mostly, i wish my hand would keep up with my mind.
never do i wish i couldn't write.
never do i wish i didn't realize i had a gift for writing.
sometimes, i wish i was more thankful.
sometimes, i wish.

Wednesday, December 08, 2010

i had..............

i had a lovely day at work today.

except for the part where i was
kinda snapped at for something
that was completely beyond my control.

but thats beside the point.

rant time

don't you just love it??? i love it so much when people try to convince me that they know what's best for me. when they somehow think they can take care of me better than i can take care of myself. when they get it into their heads that they know what's best for me, even though i've known myself for a significant number of years longer than they've even been aware that i exist.
more often than not, these "lessons" are about my sleeping schedule..... or lack thereof. now, to be fair, i will admit that i do not have a 'normal' - or anywhere near normal - schedule for sleeping. i fall asleep when i do, sleep when i can, and wake up when i must (or occasionally, when my body lets. not necessarily when i must). whether it be twenty minutes or twelve hours, that's how it is. i do not like to be awakened either. usually, for about an hour after i am pulled out of my peaceful, blissful slumber, i am a very grouchy, grumbly, agitated being. i tend to snap, and make biting remarks. i also give the death glare. i just don't like waking up.
that said, i go on. people seem to enjoy telling me that i sleep too much. that i go to bed too late, i don't wake up early enough. that my body only needs 7, or at the most, 8 hours of sleep a night. that i need to train my body to wake up 7 or 8 hours after i fall asleep. that i should do this and that, do it this way and that way.
so let me get this straight. you've known me for all of ____ amount of time. (usually its within the first few months or so.) you have never seen me in the late evenings, you've never seen me go to bed, you do not know anything about my nights, and YOU'RE telling ME that i need to do these things??? yeah, no thank you. my body needs 9 hours of sleep a night. nine. not seven, and not eight. i'm tired, sluggish, and easily aggravated when i get less. also, i'm an unwilling insomniac. not every night, but it happens. what's insomnia? it's when you can't sleep!! like, no matter what. i do not try to not sleep. on the contrary, i try to sleep it doesn't work.
another thing, i do not wake up very well until my body is rested. it does not matter how much i have slept, my body decides when it's gotten enough rest. there has been more than one instance when i slept through my alarm (and that thing is loud) because i was not rested enough.
so thank you for your "concern," but you don't know my body. you really don't even know me. so let me be. would be greatly appreciated. thanks.
oh how i love it so absolutely crazy much. in the most sarcastic way possible.

Monday, December 06, 2010

my little world. population: me

i live here. this is my place. i live here. my place. i live here, i live here. let me repeat that. I LIVE HERE! I. me. no one else. not anyone who isn't me. yes, i do have visitors. i do have guests. i have "drop by for a little while"ers, but no one lives in my little world except for me and only myself. so why do people insist on acting like they own the place? do i not make myself clear enough? i live here. you may pass by. you may pass through. you may take shelter and be a guest in my little homey world. but you may not take over, or try to make it your dwelling place. i will not let you. it's mine. Mine, i tell you. MINE! you are not God, and and only God Himself can take control of me and everything which is mine, and do what He wills with it. now please let me and my little world be in peace. thank you.

Saturday, December 04, 2010

oh yay, its saturday

i wish i could explain feelings.

Friday, December 03, 2010


it's so strange.
i'm getting so many dropper-by-ers.
i'm not accustomed to all the attention.
hello dear people that happened to stumble upon my little blog.
welcome =)
do let me know how you came across me.
i hope you find something here that strikes your interest.
and even if you don't, thats quite alright.
i don't think i could please everyone even if i tried.
which i won't, but just sayin.

have a lovely day