saturday's post

camp is fun, as is expected.

wish

sometimes, i wish i could sleep for days on end.
sometimes, i wish i couldn't sleep.
sometimes, i wish i wasn't so sensitive.
sometimes, i wish that i could be insensitive.
sometimes, i decide that i'm not sensitive enough.
often, i wish i had more willpower.
sometimes, i wish i listened more.
sometimes, i wish i was able to not listen at all.
sometimes, i wish i had nothing.
sometimes, i wish i had everything.
sometimes, i wish i had selective emotions.
often, i wish my emotions wouldn't spill over so quickly.
or so easily.
sometimes, i actually wish i was more emotional.
sometimes, i wish i could cry it all out.
sometimes, i wish i couldn't cry.
sometimes, i wish i could write better.
sometimes, i don't.
mostly, i wish my hand would keep up with my mind.

never do i wish i couldn't write.

never do i wish i didn't realize i had a gift for writing.

sometimes, i wish i was more thankful.

sometimes, i wish.
sometimes.....

i had..............

i had a lovely day at work today.


except for the part where i was
kinda snapped at for something
that was completely beyond my control.


but thats beside the point.

rant time

don't you just love it??? i love it so much when people try to convince me that they know what's best for me. when they somehow think they can take care of me better than i can take care of myself. when they get it into their heads that they know what's best for me, even though i've known myself for a significant number of years longer than they've even been aware that i exist.
more often than not, these "lessons" are about my sleeping schedule..... or lack thereof. now, to be fair, i will admit that i do not have a 'normal' - or anywhere near normal - schedule for sleeping. i fall asleep when i do, sleep when i can, and wake up when i must (or occasionally, when my body lets. not necessarily when i must). whether it be twenty minutes or twelve hours, that's how it is. i do not like to be awakened either. usually, for about an hour after i am pulled out of my peaceful, blissful slumber, i am a very grouchy, grumbly, agitated being. i tend to snap, and make biting remarks. i also give the death glare. i just don't like waking up.
that said, i go on. people seem to enjoy telling me that i sleep too much. that i go to bed too late, i don't wake up early enough. that my body only needs 7, or at the most, 8 hours of sleep a night. that i need to train my body to wake up 7 or 8 hours after i fall asleep. that i should do this and that, do it this way and that way.
so let me get this straight. you've known me for all of ____ amount of time. (usually its within the first few months or so.) you have never seen me in the late evenings, you've never seen me go to bed, you do not know anything about my nights, and YOU'RE telling ME that i need to do these things??? yeah, no thank you. my body needs 9 hours of sleep a night. nine. not seven, and not eight. i'm tired, sluggish, and easily aggravated when i get less. also, i'm an unwilling insomniac. not every night, but it happens. what's insomnia? it's when you can't sleep!! like, no matter what. i do not try to not sleep. on the contrary, i try to sleep it doesn't work.
another thing, i do not wake up very well until my body is rested. it does not matter how much i have slept, my body decides when it's gotten enough rest. there has been more than one instance when i slept through my alarm (and that thing is loud) because i was not rested enough.
so thank you for your "concern," but you don't know my body. you really don't even know me. so let me be. would be greatly appreciated. thanks.
oh how i love it so absolutely crazy much. in the most sarcastic way possible.

my little world. population: me

i live here. this is my place. i live here. my place. i live here, i live here. let me repeat that. I LIVE HERE! I. me. no one else. not anyone who isn't me. yes, i do have visitors. i do have guests. i have "drop by for a little while"ers, but no one lives in my little world except for me and only myself. so why do people insist on acting like they own the place? do i not make myself clear enough? i live here. you may pass by. you may pass through. you may take shelter and be a guest in my little homey world. but you may not take over, or try to make it your dwelling place. i will not let you. it's mine. Mine, i tell you. MINE! you are not God, and and only God Himself can take control of me and everything which is mine, and do what He wills with it. now please let me and my little world be in peace. thank you.

oh yay, its saturday

i wish i could explain feelings.

wwwoowww.

it's so strange.
i'm getting so many dropper-by-ers.
i'm not accustomed to all the attention.
hello dear people that happened to stumble upon my little blog.
welcome =)
do let me know how you came across me.
i hope you find something here that strikes your interest.
and even if you don't, thats quite alright.
i don't think i could please everyone even if i tried.
which i won't, but just sayin.


have a lovely day
=D