but i really dont know

why things are the way they are.




i had a lovely time at camp this weekend. and a fabulous time in atlanta last weekend. i should just start doing fun things every weekend. its very refreshing.


2 of my close friends have  gotten into an argument once again.
and once again, im a middleman (woman).
i hope they work it out; it hurts my heart to see them like this.


i love work, but its becoming sort of a drag =P


i dont update here as much as id like


i dont write as much id like,
or as much as i used to.


im trying to eat healthier
and spend less money


im very excited to be the maid of honor
in my cousins wedding <3


i need to stop staying up till 2am


i have memorized psalm 90.
in russian.


i want to weigh 115 again.
i have zero clue how far away i am.


havent been reading much lately,
and i miss it.

you'll know this is for you

when you read this,
if you read this,
 you will know its for you.
without a doubt.


i dont know if you come here anymore
or if you even know the url to here
but in case you do,
i want to tell you something.


i know we havent spoken
or communicated for a long long while.
but its not all my fault either.
takes two to tango, remember?
doesnt seem like youre going
out of your way to talk to me either.


but that aside,
i still love you more than ever
and you can bet that ill never stop
and whatever may come
or go
you'll always hold
a special place
in my heart.


remember all the stuff i wrote you?
if youre anything like me,
then you still have it all.
well, i meant it.
all of it.
every word.


if you were truly honest with me,
then i know more about you
than almost any person.
and i dont take that lightly.
its a very serious thing
to know someones heart
so closely and so well.


v kinda hurt me with
the stuff he said
because despite what he may think,
i do still care about you
more than you know
and even though i may seem
like im drifting far away
(who knows, maybe i am),
youre never far from my thoughts.
i wonder about you
i wonder
about your well being
about your heart
about your mind
about your feelings
and how youre doing


i miss you.
i want to talk to you,
but im scared.
i dont want you to snap at me
you know youre perfectly capable.
but even so
i want to talk to you
like i used to talk to you
two years ago.


reading this, i hope you understand
a bit of whats up in my heart right now


if you ever do read this,
you'll know its for you
you'll know for sure.
and i surely hope you do.

piles and circles

mag 66

we're all like a pile, or a bunch, of books.
just sitting there, hanging out
waiting for someone to pick us up
become interested, intrigued
and begin reading us
learning more about us
understanding us.


and if we're interesting enough,
or somehow touch the persons heart,
they will remember us for a long time after
possibly for the rest of their lives.


and depending on the taste,
we might find ourselves
in entirely different environments.
just as a person may have
the publishing company, century co,
bobbs merril, malden, and the Bible
all on one shelf, likewise, they might have
a jock, a tomboy, a prep, an optimist, a sadist,
a goth, a pessimist, and a ray of sunshine
all in the same circle of friends.
it really just depends.


oh, and one more thing.
we reflect ourselves off of
anything remotely mirror-like.
so we've got to be careful

award giveage

RULES:

1. explain award

2. explain why award was created

3. give award to jim suldog

4. inform suldog; force suldog to accept award

5. enjoy post that makes fun of award giver (i.e. me)

1.

definition/explanation of award:

given to person who makes fun of people

in the funniest way.

"maker funner of-er"

is a person who makes fun of

2.

this award was created (by me) because

suldog makes fun of people

hilariously.

he had a whole post on me,

and i couldnt stop laughing.

i had to stop READING a few times

because i was laughing so hard.

he does not have an award for such a talent.

i decided to change that.

viola.

3.

i give this award to.........

SULDOG

*applause*

congratulations.

4 and 5

are in progress.

by the way, suldog. this font size is for you. and give it your best. burn, fry, and sizzle away. i wont be offended. i am READY to take on all the things you can say by laughing hysterically.

motherhood

from gypsy mama: write for 5 minutes, non stop, starting with the sentence below

Motherhood should come with…

A manual. Or a guidebook. And possibly a guide. Someone who’s been there before, who can help with those unanswerable questions, with those sleepless nights, and stressful days. A knowing someone who will let you know that it will be okay, no matter how bad it seems. Who will tell you that you will get to sleep once again. Someone who will assure you that nothing will happen to the baby if you finish your last 3 sips of tea before coming to see why he’s awake again (especially if he’s 2 months old). Motherhood should come with a second. As in: second person. Second you. Someone still has to do the laundry, make the beds, wash the dishes; as well as take care of the baby. A robot would be nice. Motherhood should come with an extra heart. To hold all the love that the existing heart can’t possibly fit.

positive adjectives

some of my favorites:


marvelous
"you have yourself a marvelous day, sir'
fantastic
"wow, that was a fantastic show"
spectacular

"you look spectacular in that"

fabulous
"wasnt that a fabulous dinner?"
stupendous
"that triple backflip 180.... it was stupendous"
splendid
"what a splendid evening!"
lavishing
"i have no example sentence for lavishing"
charming
"he has the most charming smile"
snazzy
"i love your tie. so snazzy"
lovely
"why, im having a lovely day, thank you"
magnificent
"you have a magnificent personality"

for the stachest of them all

*cough* brianne *cough*

now how awesome is that?

a portable moustache!!

a 'stache keyholder

yellow

i acquired a yellow nail polish
a few days ago.


i have a feeling my nails
will stay yellow for a long
long
time.


(or at least until they chip badly..)

heart

i really dont know what made me write this
because i have actually been quite happy lately.
but anyway.






Oh heavy heart of mine.
why must you drag me so?
is it too much for you, my heart?
to see me up, and see me go?
Oh, weary heart of mine
why must you be so painful?
whatever have i done to you
to make you so disdainful?
Oh tortured heart of mine
forgive me for tormenting you
you see, its hard to make you happy
when the rest of me is blue
Oh wounded heart of mine
How precious are you, dear, to me
im sorry for allowing them to hurt you
and that i did not set you free
Oh dearest, healing heart of mine
tell me im forgiven
then ill gather you, protect you
and try my best to keep on livin.

getting there

im getting better.

i feel the pull of blogs

tugging on my sleeve

(imaginary sleeve)

i want to go read them all once again.

immerse myself in blogville.

be drenched in words and pictures

names and layouts

poetry, prose, lyric,

contemplations, musings, ramblings

thoughts, plain and simple.

i have a math final on wednesday.

wish me luck =/

im not quite back yet

but im getting there.

<3