yellow means happy

i made me cry today.
not really really cry,
just a few streaming tears.
i read something
i had once written.


its almost difficult
to believe, imagine
that i was once filled
with such emotion.


i thought i had lost it
i thought the wall had
been built up again
but i was wrong.
thankfully.




i am so so homesick
more than ever.
and yet
still
i do not have a home.
i have nowhere i can
truly call home.
nowhere.
i feel like a nomad,
homeless,
forgotten,
unneeded


by anyone.


i have so many questions for God.
but i know that if its not for me to know,
He will not answer me.
so i will wait.
i will wait on Him.
my timing is not His timing.
i will ask for patience,
and i will wait patiently.




.my heart hurts.