one day...

.i will get in the car
and i will drive until i cant drive anymore.


.i will face my fears
and maybe ill go skydiving.
(or maybe not)


.i will take a pencil
and write until theres not a single thought left.


.i will get over things
and i wont look back, or even want to look back


.i will step on a scale
and want to see what it says,




one day...
.i will be okay
and so will everything around me
and life will flourish
and i will be this happy
=D  =D  =D  =D  =D


all over again.




cheers.

for you.

its only been about a year or so.


most days im okay.
i dont have much trouble living
without you.
not much trouble thinking
without you.


but sometimes
every once in a while
ill think of you.


no, not of you directly.
ill think of something you said
or something will happen
that reminds me of how you are
or were.
and that, in turn,
will make me think of you.
or maybe ill just remember
something about you.




and i miss you.
i miss talking to you.
i miss texting you.
i miss IMing you.
i miss your voice.
and the way you talk.
i miss your accent.
i miss your pronunciations.
i miss the way you are simply
unable to say certain words.
i miss your stories.
i miss your singing.
i miss your silliness.
i miss you.
i miss you terribly.
my heart begins to feel
a tiny bit empty.
it begins to hurt
a little.
and a part of me
wants to cry.
and some of me wants to remember
every thing about you.
but the rest of me wont allow it.
my mind has pretty much
blocked you from my memory.
somewhat.
which im ok with,
believe it or not.


no looking back.
i am no longer allowed
to look back.
to want what was.
only ahead is for me now.


nevertheless, you still hold
and always always will hold
a special place in my heart.


and if you ever do come back into my life,
ill accept you.
we may not ever be what we were.
for that was once upon a time
and this is now.
but id be willing to start anew.
to build a new friendship
what was is gone.
now there is only
what is, and what will be.


no looking back.
only forward.
only forward.

I.....

started school on tuesday.
i have english (1102)
biology, and the lab for it
and psychology.
so far, i love my classes.
and i really like my teachers.


and i WILL get straight As
this semester.
i will.
even if i have to give something up.
i will do it.

remember how i was talking about change?


well, one of my friends has changed.
oh so much.
in the past year or so.
and not in the good way either.


she's so much less smiley.
and so much more negative.
and so much more pessimistic.
and so much more depressing.
and so much more.....


and i miss her.
the old her.
i really really really miss my friend.
the one i befriended.
the one i learned to love.
the one that made me laugh so hard
that my entire torso was in pain.


i want her back.
i hope she comes back.
i miss her.
=/

and im doing my best to dance to my beat
but lifes music is so loud, it drowns mine out.
and then it becomes mumble jumble
and i dont even know which beat is my own.

dear you.

been tagged by heather.
have to write a letter beginning with "dear you"
and only using pronouns.
and then must tag others.






dear you.
i know you dont think of me very often. i cant say i mind it, though. its just how you are; what makes you you. i dont think of you very much either, but i watch you a lot. im not too sure if you want to hear this, but i think you need to. so listen up. or read on, if you want to get technical. you always kinda liked to be literal...
okay, here goes. i understand what your life is like. i know how it is. i know how difficult it is to get through things. i know you, and how you feel. when you flash that big, bright smile at everyone around you, and laugh at everything like only can do, even though you honestly want to break down, i see that. you can cover it up on your face, but your eyes tell a different story. even when you try. when you look so brave, but inside you shake, i see that too. and when you stand strong, and courageous and daring, even though everything inside of you is trembling, im right there, watching it all. or when you tirelessly listen to other peoples worries and dilemmas, and give them heartfelt advice, and share their pain, empathize with them...... even though youre drowning in your own problems; i dont miss that either. and when someone is hurting and they come to you, you hug them. you tell them everything will be okay, this is not the end of anything, life goes on, and it will get better. and all the while, your own heart hurts like nothing else. and you think no one sees that. well i see it, and im sure a few others do as well. when i see you like that, i just want to hug you and tell you that itll be okay. the storms will always pass. but i cant. and it breaks my heart a little every time.
sweetheart, you cant hide your feelings forever. and you cant always protect yourself all by yourself, even though it seems best. please let someone in. let them hug you and tell you everything will be okay. do it for me, do it for yourself. and please please be ok. dont let life bring you down, okay? thanks.
all my love, SweetPea.


ps. you might wonder how i know so much about you.
well you see, youre me. and im you.
<3








oh, i dont know who to tag.
ummmmmm.
meg.
bitsy
stephanie.

so if the answer is no,
can i change your mind?


-the killers.








heather, i WILL get to that dear you letter.
its almost together in my head.


im a bit behind, and a bit down.

change.

my friends are changing.

people are changing.

im changing.

things are changing.

times are changing.

i dont think i like it =/

if you are what you say you are
a superstar
then have no fear.
the cameras here.

                                 -superstar

                                 lupe fiasco

but when your efforts are appreciated,
it makes you want to do that much and more
again and again and again and again
just because it feels so good to be appreciated.
no, actually.
just because it feels so good to be
putting in effort for someone who will appreciate it.

and when youre forbidden to do what you love,
that is when passion truly dies.
hope diminishes
and joy gets lost somewhere
in the dark hallways
of your unforgiving heart.
and with the absence of joy,
depression sets in.