decisions.

6 days till graduation.
11 days until we leave. overseas. indefinitely.
cue nervous, dramatic music.
i am excited though.


i was told that whatever clothes i take,
ill end up leaving 90% of it there.
so i decided.
ill take everything,
and then just rebuild my whole wardrobe
when i get back home.
wont be easy, but i think
itl be worth it.
exciiiittttiiiiiiing.




my missionary group
please drop by if you have a moment.
i would very much appreciate it.

right now

my heart is sad
and a little bit lonely
and im not sure what to do

yellow means happy

i made me cry today.
not really really cry,
just a few streaming tears.
i read something
i had once written.


its almost difficult
to believe, imagine
that i was once filled
with such emotion.


i thought i had lost it
i thought the wall had
been built up again
but i was wrong.
thankfully.




i am so so homesick
more than ever.
and yet
still
i do not have a home.
i have nowhere i can
truly call home.
nowhere.
i feel like a nomad,
homeless,
forgotten,
unneeded


by anyone.


i have so many questions for God.
but i know that if its not for me to know,
He will not answer me.
so i will wait.
i will wait on Him.
my timing is not His timing.
i will ask for patience,
and i will wait patiently.




.my heart hurts.

glass

mag

"sometimes i feel as if i am being watched"

he reads

"sitting in transparent glass,

free for all

to analyze and scrutinize.

like a butterfly in a glass jar

or a goldfish in its bowl

like a tadpole in a clear pond,

or an insect in a flask.

or maybe like a firefly

captured for its light"

'hmm.' he thinks

'sometimes.

somehow,

at times, i feel that way too.'

"sometimes i feel as if i am being watched"

he reads