if

if you werent you. you just wouldnt be, well, YOU

a little off

forgive me if im distant lately
i cant help it, though.
ive so much on my mind
but i cant share it with any
so it just sits on my brain
hangs out and marinates
and takes up much of my thoughts

im sorry im not as talkative as usual
if i look like im not listening
if i act like i dont care.

do  wait, please.
please have patience
dont give up on me.
dont walk away.
do not leave me.
i'll come back; i always do
it just takes a bit of time, is all.

i apologize for being somewhere
and not here

but sometimes,
theres this tiny ray of hope

and it sits in your heart
lighting it up, ever so softly

and making things okay.

why

why does everything have to cost money

why does life have to be so difficult

why does everything have to suck

why do i think too much

why cant i do anything i want

why do i feel like i cant do anything right

why
why
why

why?

written

i feel like writing misses me.
like words miss me.
but im a bit scared to come back to them

what if i can no longer
find the right words
to write the things
that i mean??

it would break my heart

questioning

why is it that bitterness can affect someone under 50?
or older, for that matter.

why is it that you can have an old soul
and a young heart at the same time?

why is it that resentment builds up?

why is it that numbing your thoughts
is easier than distracting them?

why is it that love can hurt
even when its not there?

now

i can feel myself changing.

im not sure if im liking the changes

theyre different;

not me

im lost, scared, and confused.

i find negative feelings inside,

and i know not how to deal with them.

i dont know how to rid myself of them.

i do not know what im

supposed to feel.

and i think im feeling too much.