update

im trying (and failing) to start a new blog.
i feel as though i need to move on from this one
its served me well, and i wont get rid of it
and im sure i will still check in occasionally
but i no longer need the outlet it provided.

and so im trying to start a new one
a more "grown up" one if you will.
its not that i cant set it up,
its more that im at a loss of what to write about.
i have plenty of ideas
just that none of them seem quite right.

ill keep trying,
and ill figure it out.

"chronicles" quote. unquote.

 ive been doing well, even with my disappearance
since i was last here,
i moved (three? four? times)
i got a car
i totaled the car
(a semi truck laying sideways
across the lanes on the freeway
we hit a guardrail that it had dismembered
we were ok, the car not so much)
i lived by myself (ish) for a year
i was hired to a job i love
i went through TWO MORE Official Winters
i got married (january. as in, 5 months ago)

not an exhaustive list, definitely not all inclusive.
but those are the big things.

im not inspired as often anymore,
but im okay with that, because
i know i often found inspiration
in sadness and pain.
melancholy and the like.
which means
i am very content with my current life.
im happy.




so much for Chronicles of my life.

try

trying and trying
getting somewhere
not fast, but getting there.

patience
is a virtue,
and a very necessary one

love

i love where i am, and what i am doing.
but my love is a constantly changing thing,
and i am itching. itching for else.
something else
somewhere else
how else
what else
else

but why does my life need to have
all the twists and turns,
why is it so hard?
you're a storyteller,
and think.
if life were a breeze and
all your decisions easy...
there wouldn't be much of a story to tell
would there?

wants

i want to come back.
to here.
i might.
i will make an effort.
soon.

magpie

in an old house in Paris that was covered in vines
lived twelve little girls............ no wait. no. nonono.
that was thirty years ago, at least.
why does it still sound so.. so clear?
still remember the girls. the loud one, what was her name.. maggie
little sylvie looks just like her, with the pout and the bunny.
bye mama
bye girls
they won't be gone forever,
only a few weeks
bye mama!
*chuckle*
bye sweetie
seems like forever. always does. always has.
love you mama 
see you soon mother
don't forget us, mother
yes, ma. you're so prone to it
ha. if only i forgot you girls
i would sooner die
we know, ma
you know we're only teasing
living in this house for over thirty years
she was a schoolgirl in this house. a teenager. an adult.
she took over this house, when no one else would
she took the girls in, when no one else would.
love you, girls
they don't say it out loud. no one ever dares.
everyone knows, though.
the world did not want them. nobody needed them.
there was a reason they all grew up here. they knew.
she took them in.
she wanted them
she fed them, raised them.
thanks for everything, mother.
really. everything.
thank you mama
love you mama!
no one speaks of it.
they've got each other, they need no one else.

these are the seventh group
she knows they will be alright.
they're tough. they are fighters.
they are survivors.
my girls.