Monday, February 07, 2011

looking vs seeing

what do you see when you look at me?
when you look into my eyes of clear blue
do you see joy, or sadness, or anger,
and do any of them seem true?
what do you see when you look at me?
when my eyes go from blue to silvery gray
are they dark as the sky is at nighttime?
or are they, perhaps, bright like the day?
what do you see when you look at me?
when my face is scrunched up with laughter or smiles
do they appear genuine, or a genuine effort?
do you notice the grief thats been there a while?
what do you see when you look at me?
when my eyes fill to the brim with tears
do you see me a blubbering child of 4?
do i look old beyond my years?
what do you see when you look at me?
when you peer in the windows of my soul
do i appear shattered and broken
or do you perceive me as a whole?
what do you see when you look at me?
when i'm dead-beat as a human can be
do you see me trapped in my own emotions?
do i look desperate to be set free?
what do you see when you look at me?
when i'm so bubbly i could practically burst
do i give off the vibe that i'll take on the world?
can you find, through the bubbles, the heart that hurts?
what do you see when you look at me?
when you ask how i've truly been
when i answer "just totally perfect"
do you notice the pain etched within?
what do you see when you look at me?
when i'm light as the lightest of hearts
do i seem like i've got it together?
can you tell that i'm falling apart?
what do you see when you look at me?
what shows up inside my eyes?
do you expect everything you see there?
does anything take you by surprise?


what matters most in the end, you see
what matters the most in the end to me
its not being what is expected to be.
when asked "what do you see when you look at me?"
its those who can honestly see me.
the true me.

Sunday, February 06, 2011

Thursday, February 03, 2011

darn you

why why why why
whyyyyy did you tell me???
i didnt want to know.
i dont want to know.
i liked being oblivious
to things like this.


it makes me act unnatural.
im no longer fully myself around you.
its just awkward being near you.
............


shouldnt have told me


that you like me
in that way

Wednesday, February 02, 2011

tear

i have nineteen followers.
nineteen.
one nine.
thats ALOT to me.
sniffle.
=)
<3

Monday, January 31, 2011

work. i've gotta love it.

i had to wash all these
on saturday
and thats not even it.
there was MORE

Sunday, January 30, 2011

for saturday

just sleeping off a breakdown...

its you. not me.

i didnt change,
your opinion of me did.


and believe me
that is enough to change anyone
in your own eyes.


i didnt change,
your expectations of me did.


and frankly,
thats enough to have anyone transform
right before your very eyes.


i didnt change,
your assumptions of me did.


and really
thats enough to alter anyone
in the eye of the beholder.


my thoughts havent changed.
i do not think differently.
and you wouldnt know.
for you never knew what i was thinking
in the first place.




and change
is almost
always
ever so


slight