c'est la vie

apparently i lied

i told you there would always

be a space for you

inside my heart

i guess i lied

there is no space here

there is no you-shaped spot

not here

there is nothing

here

not for you

you dont exist

you are nothing

if you were to reach out

i would say

im sorry, whos this?

and you would tell me

and I would say

im sorry, i know no one by that name

you must have me confused

with someone else

and you would

you would have me confused

because who i was

is not who i am

so just don't contact

this is it

this is the last you get

on metaphorical paper

savor it

or dont

i had a time

being part of your social experiment

but you can write your conclusion

::people heal

they move on

they reflect

and they hope you get

what you deserve

i suppose i lied

but actually i didnt

i told the absolute truth

i just didnt realize then

this WAS the truth

i guess i didnt lie

i only misspoke

what was I saying?

who about?

ah, such is this life

update

im trying (and failing) to start a new blog.
i feel as though i need to move on from this one
its served me well, and i wont get rid of it
and im sure i will still check in occasionally
but i no longer need the outlet it provided.

and so im trying to start a new one
a more "grown up" one if you will.
its not that i cant set it up,
its more that im at a loss of what to write about.
i have plenty of ideas
just that none of them seem quite right.

ill keep trying,
and ill figure it out.

"chronicles" quote. unquote.

 ive been doing well, even with my disappearance
since i was last here,
i moved (three? four? times)
i got a car
i totaled the car
(a semi truck laying sideways
across the lanes on the freeway
we hit a guardrail that it had dismembered
we were ok, the car not so much)
i lived by myself (ish) for a year
i was hired to a job i love
i went through TWO MORE Official Winters
i got married (january. as in, 5 months ago)

not an exhaustive list, definitely not all inclusive.
but those are the big things.

im not inspired as often anymore,
but im okay with that, because
i know i often found inspiration
in sadness and pain.
melancholy and the like.
which means
i am very content with my current life.
im happy.




so much for Chronicles of my life.

try

trying and trying
getting somewhere
not fast, but getting there.

patience
is a virtue,
and a very necessary one

love

i love where i am, and what i am doing.
but my love is a constantly changing thing,
and i am itching. itching for else.
something else
somewhere else
how else
what else
else

but why does my life need to have
all the twists and turns,
why is it so hard?
you're a storyteller,
and think.
if life were a breeze and
all your decisions easy...
there wouldn't be much of a story to tell
would there?

wants

i want to come back.
to here.
i might.
i will make an effort.
soon.